She's my only living grandmother. The lady that raised my mother and who we always saw as a strong and able woman. For as long as I can remember, my grandmother has always done everything for herself. These days, she's not as able as she used to be. She walks with a cane and looks as thought she could break if you hugged her too tightly. But, she's a sharp woman!
My grandmother never thought of herself as an intelligent woman. When we were growing up, we would go with my mom to take Grandma to the banks, to the lawyers, where ever it was that she needed to go. When she would fill out her applications or deposit forms at the bank, she would feebly take it to the teller and shyly admit the reason behind her sloppy handwriting. She would apologize saying, 'I had to leave school at the age of seven. I am sorry if you can not read it but, maybe my grand daughter can help you.' It was never something I questioned her about or that I was ashamed of, really.
You see, the period in which my grandmother was raised was a difficult time. Not only for the people of Guam, but for society as a whole. On the island, child rearing was always held in high regard. But, prenatal care was almost non-existent. My great grandmother - my Nana - died in the delivery room whilst giving birth to her sixth child. Unfortunately, so did the baby. My grandmother, being the eldest of her siblings, had to quit school at the age of seven in order to raise the rest of the children. My Tata was not a man from money and could not afford to hire someone to do this for him. One of the children had to be adopted out to another family in order to get the care she needed. But, that put aside, my grandmother still had her plate full.
After raising her 3 siblings, she met my grandfather. He was a mechanic working for the military. He knew the importance of frugality and teaching his children the value of family and humility. Most importantly, to my grandmother, he knew how to take care of her. Together, they had 12 children (three of them died in infancy). Together, they survived natural disasters. They survived a war. Most importantly, my grandmother survived burying six of her children.
Looking back at the life they lived, I see now how it was difficult. Growing up, I never really valued this struggle. I always thought, 'My grandmother had it easy!'. I never knew that she struggled with money. I never knew that she had to raise her siblings. From what I had learned, she never had a headache, she never had a pain or a struggle that she couldn't bear. I thought she was sheltered. I thought she always had it all.
My grandmother is a woman that I see as beautiful and strong. She has a strong head on her shoulders. Today, she is very business oriented and knows how to plan for the future. Coming from a background like hers, she always needs an explanation before handing out money for assistance. She has come a long way from being that 7-year-old girl who had to quit school. Now, I understand exactly where my mother gets her smarts. Now, I can look at my grandmother and see the life she lived and the life that she has made for her children.
To the world, my grandmother looks like a little old lady who can't hold her own. To me, I look at her and see so much! I see how time has worn her from the strong and able woman that she used to be in to a fragile little lady with white hair and shaky legs. I see her radiant smile that she uses to mask the pain of losing a mother, a father, a husband, and six children. I see the life weathered face and hands of a woman who has worked hard to get here. I see the woman who my mother will become.
The woman that I dream of becoming.
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