The Saga...


Whether I want it to or not, it does.

Monday, March 21, was my last day at work. The staff wanted to do a going away thing. So, they scheduled it for Tuesday. Could I just not show up for my sending off? Sure! But, that would have been rude. So, I ended up going in to the office for a few hours on Tuesday. Without pay, mind you.

After a bittersweet breakfast with the staff, it was time to say goodbye to them for now. So, I made my rounds. at around 11am, I walk out of the office. a week and a half later, I get a call that set my blood afire.

Apparently, they did not include me in this pay period because I have not signed out. Do you think they mentioned this even once in the three weeks that I was preparing to be unemployed? If you thought so, you'd be wrong!

Now, nearly two weeks after I left the office, I have to go in again to process my outgoing papers. Again, without pay... again on my own time. My blood is boiling. I have a spirit within me that I have not seen in years. A spirit of anger that managed to turn itself in to rage. A spirit of spite. I haven't felt this for nearly seven years and I was happy not feeling it!

I asked a friend for prayers because, in my anger, I wanted to go in and just give them a piece of my anger. To let it all out on them. After all, it is not my fault that the proper paperwork wasn't filled out and processed. How was I supposed to know? I'd never been in a position where I had to do such things before. Whenever I had resigned from a job, all these things were done without the need for me to be there. I assumed that since, this time, I wasn't leaving of my own choosing, there wouldn't be a problem with them doing the same... Take care of it. It's their problem, is it not? And, if there was paperwork to be filled out, should they not have given it to me while I was there? Am I wrong?

So, this friend... After I ask him to pray for me because I want to rip them a new one... Said, 'Look at Jesus on the cross.' - in his own ESL way. I responded to that, 'I feel more like the guard at the bottom of the cross, ready to thrust my spear in to the side of Christ'. His response? Good, you shall be bathed in his blood.

While to some, this may seem like a twisted thing, today, I am able to see it as a beautiful phrase to say. A phrase that I needed to hear. Maybe, through this event, I will be able to be bathed in the blood of Christ and, finally, be able to love my enemy. To be washed of this anger and the desire to kill the other and renewed in a spirit of forgiveness and love.

I just pray for patience in this saga that seems never ending. Please pray for me.


Faith of Our Fathers...

I love this story...

"Rabbi Moshe de Sassov gathered his disciples in order to tell them that he had finally learned to love his neighbor. They all thought that he had had a divine revelation, but Moshe denied this. 
     - In fact - he said - this morning when I went out to do some shopping, I saw my neighbor, Esther, talking to her son. She asked him:
     "Do you love me?"
     The son said yes. So Esther went on:
     "Do you know what makes me suffer?"
     "I've no idea," replied the son. 
     "How can you love me, if you do not know what makes me suffer? Try to quickly find out all the things which make me unhappy, for only then will your love be impeccable."
     And Rabbi Moshe de Sassov concluded:
     - True love is that which manages to avoid unnecessary suffering."

You see, my friends... there is a lot that we can learn from the faith of our fathers. The stories of the Jewish people are ones that we should learn and embrace. At the announcement, we heard... 'Honor thy father'. The Jewish people, by all definitions of the word, are our fathers in faith. we can not keep separating ourselves from them the way we have been. The only difference between us is that we believe that Jesus Christ is the Messiah while the Jewish people are still awaiting the one who is to come. Their sufferings, my brothers, are our sufferings. We mustn't believe that they are not.

I have a brother in my community who is a convert from Judaism to Catholicism. It is a true gift to hear this man speak of the traditions of his childhood. To know that we believe in the same God. That we all await the second coming.

My brothers, let us be ready. Every day, we are one day closer. As it is written, 'So stay awake, because you do not know either the day or the hour.'(Mt 25:13).


Stand Still...

I feel like life is at a stand still. Things are crumbling around me and I can't move forward. I've two days of work left. I'm not worried about it. At least, that's what I keep saying. The truth is, I am as worried as I've ever been. I don't know what I'm going to do about bills, gas, getting materials for fundraisers... whatever it is I have to do. When I look at it from the outside - yes, it is possible - all the worries are material. I shouldn't worry at all. It's just hard not to.

It is written in the psalms, 'It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes'(Ps 118:8). Put it all in the hands of the Lord. Trust Him. Put Him first and all else will follow. Easy words to utter. Hard words to live by. Especially when you see your world falling to bits.

I've been looking at my loved ones and trying to fathom how I am to get through this. Mom has been sick for years. She's not in immediate danger. But, her health is deteriorating faster than most people because of her heart conditions in the past. Dad, we thought he was getting better. But, he's been coughing so much lately and it is starting to worry me. My sister's battling a condition that can lead to something more serious than any of us has had to face thus far. The Archbishop left on Tuesday morning for immediate medical attention for his heart. All this on top of the job thing.

The only plausible way, to me, is to lean on one being only. For me, that being is God. He is the only one that can help to pull me through this. Not the man who I invest my energy and feelings in even though there is nothing there for me. Not in the people I value as friends - although, they are a huge help. Not in my family. Not in myself.

Now, to practice living that...


Moving On...

I spoke to my catechists this morning, something I never do. But, today was different. I felt the need to hear the voice of my 'godparents'. So, after I told her what was happening at work, she asked me what I had planned. This is why I called. To voice them to someone who will push me to do something. While I am thirty one, sometimes I still need that extra push. And, my dear, a push is what I got!

I was told to look in to going back to school. Not to talk about going back but to actually do the foot work that needs to be done. To find out exactly what I need to do to get readmitted.

So, as soon as I hung up the phone, I called Rosa from the university. I have an appointment with her on Thursday at 5pm.

Onward and upward is my thinking... What are they going to do? Fire me?