Source of Inspiration

Yesterday, Sept. 24, 2009, the Lord called another son home. After a year of battling and overcoming cancer, Deacon Eddie Borja passed away at 3:55am. There are so many mixed feelings about his death. But, we do know this; his mission on this earth was accomplished and it was time for him to go to his eternal home.

When the death of a loved one is in front of you, no matter how much you try to prepare yourself for it, you are never truly ready. I didn't know the Deacon as well as some people. But, I was truly blessed to witness the love that he had for his family and his friends. He was a man who put his suffering aside in order to ease the pains of his community. He put the pain on the back burner in order to smile and brighten the day of a sister in crisis.

To me, hearing about Deacon Eddie's life is a true inspiration. He was and continues to be a wonderful role model. The faith that he instilled in his son is something that I see as truly amazing! You see, Lawrence Borja, Deacon Eddie son, is a good friend of mine. We've been credited with being there for him. But, in all honesty, he was the one inspiring me. Watching the interaction between him and his sister, hearing the prayers, watching him read through the different prayers that he could share with his father. It was all something that offered me comfort.

So, I thank you, Law, for being who you are. For receiving the faith which your family transmitted to you and taking it and sharing it with us. I am so blessed to count you amongst my closest friends. If you should ever need me, I will be here for you. I could never thank you enough and I love you.

I thank the Lord for blessing our beautiful island with a beautiful man such as Deacon Eddie. His passing will be felt through the island. But, we are better because of him.

Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and may perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen.


I've Come To Realize

For the past few months, I've been spending more time away from home. It got to the point where I would come home from work, shower, dress, and run back out o meet friends. By the time I get home, it would be past midnight. My family would be asleep. My brother, who usually keeps to himself, would ask where I am. To which, my parents could only reply, 'Out'. I was spending more time 'out on the town' than I would spend sleeping or communicating with my family.

This past Sunday, I was in the room, resting up after a very long peace vigil and before I had to leave for a meeting. I knew that the rest of my family was here. But, I was in the mindset of getting planning out of the way for the week.

Upon speaking to my mother, I find that there is a BBQ planned and that they hadn't included me because they... I quote, here!... Forgot about me!

At that point, I came to realization that I had not only been neglecting my family but that I missed them. I miss the teasing and coercing that goes on when we're together. The jabbing and the poking from my brother. The sudden bursts of conversation from my brother-in-law. The moments of encouragement from my sister. The little attitude from my dad that we experience from time to time. Heck! I even miss the admonishment from my mother! (I never thought I'd be saying that.)

So, while I do love my friends and feel that I have truly found the ones that will be there through thick and thin, I also love my family. I, Jessica Blas, have realized that I need to make time for both, in my life. I can have my cake and eat it too!


Let Me Go In Peace

This morning, I had the pleasure of chatting with Andy about a song that he will be soloing at the Vigil for Peace, tomorrow night. I admit, I had not heard the song before today. But, I am happy to have had the chance to listen to it this morning. It speaks to me of the promise of God. That He shall send His Son for the salvation of Isreal, His people.

Andy and I spoke about the possibility of singing this song while one is on his deathbed. "Lord, let your servant go in peace." To be able to say, "Lord, I have done your will in my life. I have fulfilled my purpose on this earth. Please, take me home." This day, I long for.

Until that day comes, I pray that I am able to fulfill what he asks of me. I want to live my life to the fullest while still maintaining a good standing with Him. I want to share the love He has for me with those around me. I pray for the grace to be able to this.

I pray that when my time comes, when my journey is through, I am able to go in peace.


Tapping Out

Sometimes, you have to know which battles to fight and which ones you need to tap out for. Personally, I'm tapping out on a particular battle. This one, is not mine to fight. No matter how much I feel like I need to be there to help or to be that one individual that can be depended on, the one in whom you could confide, I realize that there is absolutely nothing I can do besides pray.

For the past eight months, I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. Many times, I have wanted to jump off this ride. To run as far away from the attraction as I could. But, each time I resolved to do such a thing, I found myself drawn back. In the paraphrased words of Shakespeare, like a moth to a flame. No matter how much I knew that I would end up hurt... That this would lead me to a brick wall... That it was not my business, I still felt compelled to be that person on whom you could rely.

But, you know what? I'm tapping out. I'm walking away. I'm pretty sure, much like babies are drawn to electrical outlets, I will turn back. That I won't actually give up. But, for now, I think the best thing to do is to take a step back. To let you make your mistakes. Much like I am allowed to make mine. Just know that, if the time comes when you decide that you need me, I will be here. The faithful friend who believes in you. Until that time comes... May the Lord bless and protect you. You can't do it alone. I can't help. But, HE can.