Stand Still...

I feel like life is at a stand still. Things are crumbling around me and I can't move forward. I've two days of work left. I'm not worried about it. At least, that's what I keep saying. The truth is, I am as worried as I've ever been. I don't know what I'm going to do about bills, gas, getting materials for fundraisers... whatever it is I have to do. When I look at it from the outside - yes, it is possible - all the worries are material. I shouldn't worry at all. It's just hard not to.


It is written in the psalms, 'It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes'(Ps 118:8). Put it all in the hands of the Lord. Trust Him. Put Him first and all else will follow. Easy words to utter. Hard words to live by. Especially when you see your world falling to bits.


I've been looking at my loved ones and trying to fathom how I am to get through this. Mom has been sick for years. She's not in immediate danger. But, her health is deteriorating faster than most people because of her heart conditions in the past. Dad, we thought he was getting better. But, he's been coughing so much lately and it is starting to worry me. My sister's battling a condition that can lead to something more serious than any of us has had to face thus far. The Archbishop left on Tuesday morning for immediate medical attention for his heart. All this on top of the job thing.


The only plausible way, to me, is to lean on one being only. For me, that being is God. He is the only one that can help to pull me through this. Not the man who I invest my energy and feelings in even though there is nothing there for me. Not in the people I value as friends - although, they are a huge help. Not in my family. Not in myself.


Now, to practice living that...