Fear Not...

'Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; fear him rather who can destroy both body and soul in hell.' Mt 10:28


This was the passage that spoke to me the most at yesterday's scrutatio. On Saturday, I went for a follow up at the doctor's office. The news he had for me was news that I had heard before. But, it was also something that I had thought I'd worked past. I thought that it was a part of my life that I had left behind me with oh so many other things. But, when the doctor said that I was severely anemic, it all came back again. Anemia, in most cases, is nothing to worry about. But, with the word 'severe' attached to it, it brings on a whole new set of possibilities.


When I was living in the states, I was diagnosed with anemia. Back then, my hemoglobin levels were at 2.7. Now, they are at 6.5. While that is nearly three times what it was in the states, it is still half of the normal levels. So, it's back to iron pills... three times a day for no less than six months... preferably for a year and a half. If, by December, my levels do not return to normal, they want to do another blood transfusion. In the states, my transfusion was 100% covered under the state health benefits. Here on Guam, I'm not so lucky. *laugh* Lucky... there's a word that I can expound on. But, I will spare you all the joy of that rant for today. I'm not sure what a blood transfusion would cost me, here on Guam. But, I do know it's beyond my reach. So, I'm praying, as hard as ever, that the iron therapy works.


Did I know I was anemic? Well, I had a feeling that I was. But, I didn't think it was this bad again. The only symptom that I had, that I knew of, was the constant fatigue. But, I had attributed that to lack of sleep due to late night meetings, planning sessions, stress... what have you. Friends would often ask me if I was getting enough sleep. In my mind, I was. But, apparently, trouble sleeping is also a symptom of anemia. As are brittle nails, irritability, the inability to concentrate, shortness of breath, swelling, bruising, and loss of appetite. I never knew that all these things were symptoms of anemia. I always thought that it was just from being so tired all the time. But, knowing now what I should have known before, I realize that I had all the symptoms.


What now? Now, I keep up with the supplements. Now, I make major lifestyle changes to accommodate this condition. No more alcohol... no more apples... no more of a LOT of things. More veggies, more meat, more greens! These are all changes that I should be making anyway. But, now, I have more of a reason, I suppose. In the long run, if things don't improve, my heart will have to work harder than it already is in order to get the oxygen it needs and to get blood circulating the way that it should. So, in the long run, severe anemia could eventually lead to heart failure. But, let's pray I nip this in the bud before it gets any worse.


Yesterday, I kept coming to passages that told me that I don't need to fear this trial that has been put in front of me. Well, the passages were more along the lines of persecution for believing in Jesus Christ. But, to me, it came as more of a message that this is a trial that will be short lived and that in the end, all I have to fear is what can eventually destroy my soul.


To my friends who have put up with my constant fatigue and irritability, thank you so much. You have no idea how much your presence in my life is helping me through this time. I'm trying not to use this condition as an excuse to be a mega pain in the butt. So, if I get to be too much, a swift kick in the butt is more than welcome. Thank you for loving me.