2.6.10

What Am I Waiting For?

See, the plan was to write about something yesterday. But, I got side tracked by a conversation that I was having with a friend. Today, the subject that was on my mind yesterday has been waylaid by another subject. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride that I've been trying to sit out.


For those of you that have known me for a while, you know that I've been wanting to fix some things that I've done in my past. Today, I was blessed to have a conversation with one of the deacons with whom I work. The biggest 'mistake' that I made in life took place in 1999. I've been trying to come up with a better word for this event. I don't really think it was a mistake, per se. But, it was a decision that steered me off the path that everyone though I was taking.


Eleven years ago, I made a decision to quit school and move away from home. I admit, the motive behind it was selfish. But, for nearly nine years, I lived a life that I thought would bring me happiness. A life in which I felt what I thought of at that time was love. About three years ago, I chose to leave that life and come back home.


For three years now, I have been trying to think of a way to get back in to school. I've been afraid that the choices that I'd made in my past would effect how I can go on from here. People have been placed in my life that have been encouraging me to look in to going back to school. But, for some reason, I keep fighting it. I come up with excuses left and right why I can't do it. Why I can't live the dream that I had thirteen years ago which rekindled itself in the past five years. But, today, I've had a chance to sit and think about life. My conclusion? 'What the heck am I waiting for?'


I keep saying that I wish that God would show me the map that He has planned for me. That He wouldn't be so secretive about it and just lay it out in the open. I feel like I've been hit with a 'stupid stick'. He has put several people in my life who are able and willing to help me to live my dream. Well, not only my dream but maybe even God's plan.


The deacon that I had the chance to talk to told me this... He said 'You made a mistake. What you do with that mistake can do either one of two things. You can either learn from the mistake and not repeat it or you can dwell on it and live in it. What are you going to do about it?' At that point, I needed to pee! So, what did I do? Did I stand there and pee on myself or did I got to the restroom? Darn it, I went to the restroom!

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