Do Not Despise It...

This past Sunday was absolutely beautiful! For anyone who has ever experienced complete happiness, you know exactly how I was feeling.


We started the day off with Morning prayer beginning at around 830am in the church basement. Afterward, we headed towards the Department of Youth Affairs in Mangilao. For those who are not familiar with this place, it is a correctional facility for youth who have ventured in to the wrong side of the law. For those of us who grew up here, it was always a threat that was voiced towards us when we were younger. Many times, our parents would tell us, 'If you do not straighten your act, we will send you to DYA.' For the youth that we saw on Sunday, DYA is their reality.


Going in to DYA, I had mixed emotions. At first, I thought, these kids won't care what we have to say. They won't respect the experiences that we share with them. God is the last thing that these kids want to hear about. But, the longer we stayed, the more I saw that they did respect what we were saying. They were thirsting, just as we were, for something more than what any earthly affection can give us. They needed to hear that there was someone out there who loved them unconditionally. That there was someone who sent us to them on a beautiful Sunday that we could have been spending doing anything other than visiting a group of strangers.


As we were leaving the facility, I could see on the faces of some of those youth, a glimmer of hope. You see, just to hear that God loves them just as much as he loves us... to hear that the only difference between them and the youth that were leaving was that they were caught and we weren't... it helped us to see each other on the same level. I am no better than any of those kids... In many cases, I am worse. For, I know the love of God... I have seen it alive in my life. Yet, I still fight it, I still despise it.


A few hours after we left DYA, we had a meeting with Giuseppe and Claudia, the head catechists for the USA, at the seminary. I sat there, thirsting for a word, much like the youth we had seen earlier. A word is what I received!


The one thing that is burned within my heart was said by Claudia. Before they did a vocational call for women, Claudia said, "If the Lord is calling you, do not despise it!" After this, we were called to do silent prayer, praying for the Lord's will in our lives. My hands were sweating, my ears were burning, my heart felt as though it was going to pound out of my chest. Then, they did the call... For those who wish to partake in the mission in China. Even after all those sensations, I found myself still sitting in my chair. I was not on my feet with those other women.


Here's my question. Is God calling me and am I, in turn, despising that call? Am I so absorbed in my desires for the world that I can not recognize if God is knocking at the door to my heart? Am I so wrapped in the desires for success, a husband, a family, that I can not recognize a calling to something far greater? My answer? I truly don't know. I pray that if God is truly calling me, that I do not despise this call... That I find myself running towards the greatest spouse a woman can desire.


Please pray for me.