Many times, as a Christian, we hear this phrase. "I will go and prepare a place for you." Many times, when we hear this, our minds turn immediately to death. Today, this phrase is what I keep hearing in my heart. "I will go forth to prepare a way for you."
With the trip to Spain coming up, very quickly, my mind turns more and more to my vocation. To anyone whose been listening to me in the past few months, you know that my vocation has been weighing heavily on my heart since March. In March, I was asked about my vocation... What it is, what I felt about it, what I'm going to do about my future. At that time, it freaked the heck out of me. I didn't know how to answer this person. Was I thinking seriously about life in the monastery? Was I open to marriage and children? Was I considering a life as a single woman, not necessarily a nun but living a life totally devoted to announcing the love of Christ?
Today, I'm still not sure. But, the closer we come to August, the more I think about everything.The reading at church these past few weeks have been helping me a lot. From the readings on June 26, He tells me, "I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever." He calls me to partake in a life with him... to be one with him and all Christianity. He tells me that he has something for me that not everyone can partake in because it is just for me. The week after he says "My yoke is easy and my burden is light." Life has given me my share of struggles and in the past few months, I realize that it doesn't have to be so hard. If I let him help me shoulder the cross, it will be as light as a feather. The problem is, I don't know how to let it go. I'm learning, however slowly. This week, he says "many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it." Reminding me, yet again, that I am blessed.
You see, the Lord goes before me, to Madrid, to prepare a place. He is helping me by fertilizing the dry and barren soil in my heart. For anyone who has planted anything, you know that soil hardens over time. Without water, without anyone passing to till the soil, it is as hard as rock. Last year, the soil of my heart was hardened and dried out... it still is. But, with the help of these past few weeks, I feel the soil starting to loosen. It feels incredible. Through the hardships that we've faced in getting to this point on our journey, I have felt the presence of a God that loves me unconditionally.
In Madrid is a beautiful experience that is being prepared. I only pray that the seed falls on the most fertile soil in me and that it is fertilized and watered regularly in order to grow in to the spectacular beauty that only God can create. There is a vocation out there for me. God has prepared it just as He's prepared one for each and every one of us. Just as He is faithful in providing for us daily, He has provided a place for us on earth that is meant only for us and no one else. And, just as He is faithful to us today, He will forever be faithful.
The best that I can ever put it was as I put it to a sister today. God will never turn His back on us. No matter how many times we turn our backs on Him, He never turns on us. We may feel that He does. But, my life is a true testimony to the providence and love of God. Take it from the daughter of a recovering alcoholic. The former lover of a mentally abusive man. Take it from someone who has turned her back on the only man who will ever love her unconditionally and turned back to see Him waiting, faithfully.
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