Mom

I've been sitting here, wondering how I can put my feelings for my mother in writing. I could do it like I used to - in a long poem filled with emotion and gratitude. But, somehow, that doesn't seem to work with me right now. I could dote on her for a day. But, is one day really enough time to show her how much I care? I don't think so. So, I've decided on just putting it all out there.

You know those kids that grow up with the notion that they would never ever want to be their own mother? The ones that pray that, when they have children of their own, they don't repeat the same patterns that their mothers showed with them? I'm not one of those kids. I believe that my mother did the best job that she could do in raising her children. We didn't turn out to be angels. We're not perfect in any way shape or form. We definitely caused her a lot of heartache and headache. But, you know what? She took it all with love.

I will be the first to admit that I have strayed many times. I ran away from home and from what I saw as something that was holding me down. I made my mistakes and when the time came, she welcomed me back with open arms. No 'I told you so'. No 'You really should have listened to me'. No 'See what you get?'. Just a 'Welcome home, Jess' and a hug that I will never forget.

My mother always allowed us to make our own mistakes. I know that it was painful for her to see her children fall. But, in life, it's something that we all have to do. Even more painful, not being able to help us up. But, being the strong woman that she is, she prayed and reassured us. For this, I am forever grateful. Because we were allowed to fall, we are stronger and wiser than some adults in the world.

Faith wasn't always a big part of our lives. I suppose we were good Catholics in the eyes of the world - we prayed, we were respectful, we valued life. But, when it came down to it, faith just didn't play a big role. I think it was just tradition. In our adolescent years, we were fortunate enough to be brought closer to the church. Since, faith has played a big role. We're not model Catholics, by far. But, we pray together now and are no longer to speak of God and the graces in our lives. I don't know what did it... But, I know that it was our mother that brought us back. Again, never ending gratitude!

I do not have my own children. Until the day that I do, I will never fully understand the love that a mother has for her children. But, I can say that I have had the best possible role model that could ever have been given to me. I pray that when that day comes, I can be at least half as good as my own mother was to me. I pray that I have the strength that she possesses. I pray for the patience required for such a role. I pray that I will be able to love my children and my husband with all that I am.

To my mother, I pray that I can go on, everyday, showing you how much I appreciate you. Thank you for all that you have done for the three of us. Thank you for loving our father and never giving up on him. Through you, I have learned that it is possible to endure heartache and shed tears. You have taught me that the fight for love is well worth the pain. You have shown me that change is possible with patience and love. You have shown me forgiveness. I can not say how grateful I am that God gave me a mother as wonderful and beautiful as you.

In the words of Fr. Wojciech. Thank you, thank you, thank you.... *laugh* I love you, mom.