Struggling

You have to bear with me today. I'm slightly exhausted and when I'm in this state of being, I can't really get my thoughts gathered in to sensible order. But, I figured, it's been a bit since I've written anything. So, I'm slightly overdue. Here goes, eh?

It's been about three weeks since I've seen my community. Well, in it's whole I guess. But, I haven't been to a Eucharist celebration or a Word celebration in three weeks. I'm starting to see the effects that this is having on my life. I haven't strayed from the church. I just have been too busy to go to community. It feels as if there is something missing as time goes by. I feel bad because... being a community of 6(on a good day), every absence is felt by the whole community. Other people have to pick up your slack. But, it's not that that's been bothering me. I guess, I feel that the longer I am away, the more susceptible I am to persecution. The more open I am to hearing and believing things that people say about the way.

I've been spending a lot of time with people who are not in 'The Way' and who don't understand the things we do or how we celebrate. Up until now, I never have let anything anyone had to say about the way effect my opinion of it. But, this past week or two, I've heard a couple of side remarks, said jokingly, and it has been effecting me more than it should. I don't know how to explain what it feels like. But, I suppose... because of who says it and the feelings I harbour towards said person, my heart drops. I guess every time I hear it, I respect the person a little less and I question what I do a little more.

Don't get me wrong. I've had an awesome three weeks on all fronts. I've rekindled friendships that I thought had fizzled out. I've strengthened friendships that I thought could not be stronger. I've made new relationships with people whom I believe will be there until we're old and grey and driving the orderlies crazy. But, that sense of being complete is not there anymore.

Things will return to some semblance of normalcy in the next couple of weeks and I will be wondering what the heck I was babbling about today. But, until then, I struggle. Does normalcy mean that I lose the relationships that I've built with these people? I don't think it has to. But, it will require some sacrifices on my part.

On a good note, summer starts next week. Free SATURDAYS!!!